At this point, it's become a cliche -- a heterosexual couple with kids is surprised on the street and an interviewer asks the male half of the couple to name his children's teachers, doctors, or best friends. In a few cases he comes through (and is praised as if he just led a Middle East peace accord); in most cases he mumbles and stares at the ground. The female half of the couple rattles off all the information from memory while appearing exasperated.
Of course, there is nothing inherently "female" about the ability to make appointments and remember information. People of every gender identity do it every day. But even in 2025, women are expected to carry the "second shift," managing child care, family relations, and elder care, even if they have a demanding full time job. Some women choose to do this as part of an agreed upon division of household labor; more women do it because their male partners demonstrate weaponized incompetence. Sometimes, men want to be active participants and share the load and society just won't let them. A friend went on a business trip to Asia and told her children's school that she was going to be gone and to call her husband with any issues. A few days later, she was awoken in the middle of the night by a call from the school -- her son wasn't feeling well. When she asked if her husband was unavailable, it turned out the school hadn't even bothered to call him, despite her explicit instructions. She finally explained that she was in Japan so couldn't do much, and that the school should learn how to read.
But what if there was a tool to offload most of this mental load and let my friend have a restful night on an important trip? There is, and unfortunately, few women are using it. AI will soon have the power to lighten the mental loads of women and primary caregivers, giving them the space to spend that time and energy on whatever they enjoy.
Take managing relationships. In many hetero couples, men seem to expect their wives to be the social directors and make plans with other people. This includes coordinating with others to find available dates (for two couples with busy jobs in major cities, this is basically a nightmare-level SAT problem solving problem); finding a place to go; and reminding everyone. But feeding everyone's calendars and preferences into an AI could just spit back a few options, and then everyone just picks from those. It probably still can't get you into the Corner Store (my fellow New Yorkers know) but it'll cut out 90% of the work.
Or gifting. Again, women are expected to remember everyone's important dates and send cards and gifts and coordinate holidays. And if this is your jam, go for it and keep doing it old-school. But if this is a chore, feed that stuff into AI, and all of a sudden, it becomes automated and easy. Same with the nine million "spirit days" schools seem to dream up and kids forget about until the last second -- just feed it into the machine and get back ideas for everything, along with links to purchase if needed. A few clicks and you're done.
Trip planning is another place where AI can shine. The AI can plan the entire trip around your family's desires and needs, and then all you have to do is click to pay and then enjoy yourself. Think of what a revolution that would be -- instead of worrying and planning and stressing, you just get to show up and enjoy spending time with your family.
Because this is the ultimate potential of AI -- making all our lives easier. Primary caregivers do so much valuable, difficult, ultimately unacknowledged work, and it doesn't have to be this way. Technology can reduce the burden of things we don't want to do, and give us back the time to do what we do want to. Instead of spending hours coordinating an elderly relatives's medical care, we can let AI do that and spend time sitting on a bench at a favorite park with them. Instead of running ourselves in the ground planning the perfect amusement park trip, AI can handle that and we can watch the children's eyes light up at the first sight of the castle or the rollercoaster.
When women and primary caregivers embrace AI and start building, they start to get their lives back -- lives they can now fully live and enjoy.